Don't let anyone put their monkey on your back.

"Hi, my name is Kelly and I'm a people pleaser." A statement that isn't easy to make.

You see people pleasers tend to be magnets for those looking for someone to carry their problems, work load and issues.  They tend to be the ones who feel guilty for no reason because they some how think that the world's problems are their fault. They are the ones who think it is on their shoulders to make all those around them happy and content. I mean I'm sure that somehow I'm connected to someone in the senate and the national debt is somehow because of me! 

Well, okay, maybe not that far but the reality is, there are tons and tons of imaginary and real issues that I feel I need to handle and take reponsibility for. But...I've grown weary in handling the crisis of the world, I've decided that every ones happiness is not up to me. I don't need to carry anyone else's work loads, problems, burdens or drama. But coming to that realization and making changes are not easy.

This is not something I just realized either.  Years of  the cycle of struggle, breakthrough, struggle , breakthrough have occurred. But recently a friend said  something to me that really made me stop  and think...Well not really stop..I would have been rear ended at 50 miles  an hour...But mentally I came to a complete halt.

I was telling her of a situation where I was struggling with my reaction.  I was trying to be civil  and kind but it seemed no matter what I did it wasn't enough, the other person wanted more than I could give and was not happy.... My friend said " Why is it up  to you to make this person happy?"  I didn't know what to say.  I mean the reality is, it isn't up to me..but  like always I some how thought it was....

It made me think of a number of years ago when I was confronted with the fact I was a people pleaser by a wonderful Pastor / Friend.  He had  watched me over and over take on the problems of  relatives and friends and become more and more full of anxiety and sadness.  He looked me in the eye and said " Don't let anyone put their monkey on your back." In other words have boundaries and don't feel bad that you do.

I've remembered this time and time again as I've struggled to rid myself of the monkeys of others that I have allowed to be put on me. I'm slowly learning that boundaries are good and taking time for me is a must. And there is no reason for feelings of guilt when I do something for me.

Guilt can be overpowering for those who are trying to become reformed people pleasers. It is such a battle in our mind. I've found that when the times come where I am feeling like everything is on me that there are several things I can do....I can pray, I can call a friend, I can say out loud " I will not take on their monkey!" ( with much authority too as I force my imaginary sword in the air and tackle the imaginary army on my white horse of course...) And I can remember it is a battle...it won't be won in a day, two days, or probably two months...there will be times where it won't be a struggle at all and then there will be times when it is a constant in my day to day life.

But those are the times when I know I am not alone and the battle is the Lord's...