Whatever!

"During the day I have to deliberately scrutinize my thoughts, because I can entertain unworthy musings. I need to work at upgrading my thoughts, because they inspire actions, they spill out lips, and they affect or infect my beliefs about myself and others" Patsy Clairmont

I often had times in my day where I think "I must have ADD...this can't be normal  to be thinking about one thing and then..BAM!..A new thought comes smashing in"  And the thoughts can be totally at opposite ends of the spectrum! One minute I can be thinking about the timeline of an upcoming wedding and then my mind is wondering if a friend could have coffee...or wondering if I missed the Kohls sale where I saw that cute pair of shoe..or...hmmm...what was I thinking? Exactly! The thought totally disappears! reminds me of the saying " If you have a thought, set it free, if it comes back good!  If it doesn't it  wasn't yours to begin with!"

Sometimes my thoughts are encouraging and powerful...plans and actions to make things better in my life, my kids life or work. Positive and uplifting thoughts for and about others...But sometimes my thoughts are discouraging and destructive...they make me think ill of others, or make me think others think ill of me...Negative and depressing thoughts that cause me to think I'm nothing good...

I have realized I need to say Whatever!  Not in a negative sense of blowing it off and believing what I think is real..cause lets face it...half the time we are so far from the mark in our thinking..But when I say whatever..I am reminding myself of Phillipians 4:8 which reminds of what I am to think about...

"Finally, brethern, WHATEVER is true, WHATEVER is honorable, WHATEVER is right, WHATEVER is pure, WHATEVER is lovely, WHATEVER is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

 I'm going through a tough time in my life right now and my mind is flooded with so many things, I've also realized how powerful our mind can be and turn a bad situation into something totally worse than it will ever be.  So more than ever I need to think on the right things. However, with that said I also know the importance of really working through why I might me thinking on what I am, so jotting things down and finding time later in the day to work through thoughts has been very important to me...BUT the biggest thing, the most precious thing ..has been reminding myself.."Kelly you are not alone, God will sift my thoughts through His mighty hands and help me work  through these"

So the next time those thoughts come flooding through and I know they will!  I will say with much authority and the attitude of a 15 year old "WHATEVER"! I will fight the desire to take my thoughts to a level they shouldn't go and let God take them where they should be...

And you don't even have a minute to think...

I love weddings. Everything about them, probably a good thing since I'm a wedding planner!  Love the creativity I see in each bride as she tells what design, color or decor will make her day uniquely hers. Love the excitement in the eyes of the bride and groom as they talk of their special day.  Love the organizational end as I lay out the plans and see it all come together, love the smile and happiness I see on their faces....

I also love movies about weddings!  Go figure! 

To name a few..."The Wedding Planner", "Bride Wars", "27 Dresses", "The Wedding Date",  "My Best Friends Wedding" and my list could not be complete with out " My Big Fat Greek Wedding" that movie makes me laugh time and time again!

One of the lines in the movie that sticks out to me is when the main character is trying to explain her Greek family to her date. She talks of being chased around with a lamb eyeball by her Aunt, Her father and his brothers eating the lambs brains, but the line I am referring to is when she talks abut her 27 first cousins and all being in each others business and "not even having a minute to think."

I get this.  I get the fact that sometimes I have demands on my life, people needing and wanting things and feeling like I don't even have time to think.  I get the stress this brings and the inability to breathe  because there is so much to do. I get the overwhelming feeling of knowing I'm forgetting some important task due to the fact I can not think past the fires in front of me that need to be put out. I get it all....but there is something else I get sometimes I don't want to think.  The pain it can bring, the frustration, the tears..sometimes thinking brings out fears and added stress that frankly, I don't  want to deal with.

Life isn't always fun and games. and, as I have said in earlier posts, I'm trying to figure out who I am.  In all the busyness of life I've felt like I've lost my identity...I don't mean this to sound selfish or inward focused as if I don't care about what is going on around me..but some where I've forgotten that it is ok to take time for myself, to do something for me...somewhere I stopped thinking and just doing....go through the motions of my day, doing everything for everyone and forgetting who I am, my likes and dislikes, having meaningful conversations, being creative and carving out my little part of the world that says this is uniquely Kelly....

I think that is why I admire the brides I work with.  They are taking that time to think about their special day and making it theirs.  They have that smile that says even though everything may not be going smoothly, its still gonna be great. They have focus and drive to have things done in a way that says something about them and their groom.  They are putting their stamp on the world by taking a minute to think...

 Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real..and that has been the only thinking...let me rephrase that...that has been the only stinkin' thinkin' I've been doing.  I have not thought about any goals I may have, the good I've done, the blessings I have. I've shut the door on dreaming and for some reason not allowed myself that freedom to look beyond the negative things in my life and think any good could come from it. I've allowed lies to seep in and take over.

I need to take a lesson from the brides I work with, I need to realize, though its tough right now in my life, it will work out. I need to get my focus and drive back. I need to smile. I need to put my stamp on my little corner of the world and make it uniquely mine.

I need to take my minute to think. I need to realize it will take time and my life and problems won't be fixed in a day...But none the less, I can take some time right now to think...And I think I will...

Did I think that out loud??

Today was a wonderful day...I was blessed to have lunch and catch up with an old friend. 

We were talking about what was going on in our lives, things we are working on and things we want to change.. Out of curiosity...( and the fact there are some friends you can ask or say ANYTHING to)  I asked her a personal question, she answered and then with a look of complete and utter shock said
" Did I say that out loud?"

It got me thinking about how freeing it is to say things out loud, even if there is no one around to hear.  And most likely, it is best sometimes that there isn't!  Sometimes we can be so locked up in our minds and out thought patterns that to say it out loud and hear ourselves say it brings on a wave of different emotions..peace, laughter, embarrassment, anger...

I came across this tweet this afternoon from Patsy Clairmont "God knows our secrets...and He's not put off. He offers us living water." ( quote from Marilyn Meberg)

It reminded me that though we like to think no one knows our thoughts, the truth is God does. The Sovereign God of the universe knows our every thought, good and bad and it doesn't surprise Him! His unconditional love, unmerited grace and mercy take over on those times we can't believe what we think or say. He knows our humanness.  He knows our weaknesses.  And yet, with all that said loves us with an everlasting love...

What a thought to wrap our minds around...I am in awe at His love for me...And THAT I love to think out loud....

Under Construction

Earlier this week my daughter had surgery and had to spend the night in the hospital.  There is a lot of construction going on there and her room happened to face the area.... 

 I sat there watching the work while my daughter slept.  The thought running through my mind was "they are busy doing nothing" I saw them walking with supplies and driving from here to there, cranes lifting supplies from one spot to another...but nothing looked liked it changed....

That is kind of how I feel about my life sometimes, especially right now.  I want things changed, I want to be done with what I am going through...but yet everything takes time.... 

The expected date to finish the construction at the hospital is 2013..I can imagine those doing the construction and those who work in the hospital can't wait or sometimes think it will never be done!

I know that feeling...impatience builds up in me and I fight the desire to cry and scream and run ahead of the process..

 As I watched them the next morning continue with the project I realized that in order for the building to be done, the strong, sturdy foundation needed to be built.  I realized that it needed to be safe and secure, it needed to be checked continually and to make sure there were no weak spots that could cause the foundation to fall before it could be built upon....

And I started to think about my life and what I am going through and realized that though I can't see the changes I am changing.  I am getting stronger and more secure in who I am.  The weaknesses are being dealt with..not always fun, but I am figuring out what I need to do to change. That in reality, it isn't going slow and before I know it the things I am going through will be dealt with..

I'm just under construction right now...

Be Who You Are...

Read this and had to repost....

There is no one else in the whole wide world like you. I’m sure you have heard that before, but I wonder if you understand how true it is and how precious you are to God. We are not always treasured on this earth. Our relationships with our parents or friends or spouses can lead us to believe that we may be unique, but that it’s not a good thing. So often we are encouraged to blend in, don’t rock the boat, don’t be different, but I say, rock that boat, and be who you are. . . .
When you hold back who you really are, we all miss out. So whether you are a pet nut like me or a wordsmith like Patsy Clairmont, whether you like high heels or flip-flops, be who you really are. You have a voice and a style that is all your own. It has been given to you by God so that through you, a unique picture of our Father is seen.  by Sheila Walsh

Don't let anyone put their monkey on your back.

"Hi, my name is Kelly and I'm a people pleaser." A statement that isn't easy to make.

You see people pleasers tend to be magnets for those looking for someone to carry their problems, work load and issues.  They tend to be the ones who feel guilty for no reason because they some how think that the world's problems are their fault. They are the ones who think it is on their shoulders to make all those around them happy and content. I mean I'm sure that somehow I'm connected to someone in the senate and the national debt is somehow because of me! 

Well, okay, maybe not that far but the reality is, there are tons and tons of imaginary and real issues that I feel I need to handle and take reponsibility for. But...I've grown weary in handling the crisis of the world, I've decided that every ones happiness is not up to me. I don't need to carry anyone else's work loads, problems, burdens or drama. But coming to that realization and making changes are not easy.

This is not something I just realized either.  Years of  the cycle of struggle, breakthrough, struggle , breakthrough have occurred. But recently a friend said  something to me that really made me stop  and think...Well not really stop..I would have been rear ended at 50 miles  an hour...But mentally I came to a complete halt.

I was telling her of a situation where I was struggling with my reaction.  I was trying to be civil  and kind but it seemed no matter what I did it wasn't enough, the other person wanted more than I could give and was not happy.... My friend said " Why is it up  to you to make this person happy?"  I didn't know what to say.  I mean the reality is, it isn't up to me..but  like always I some how thought it was....

It made me think of a number of years ago when I was confronted with the fact I was a people pleaser by a wonderful Pastor / Friend.  He had  watched me over and over take on the problems of  relatives and friends and become more and more full of anxiety and sadness.  He looked me in the eye and said " Don't let anyone put their monkey on your back." In other words have boundaries and don't feel bad that you do.

I've remembered this time and time again as I've struggled to rid myself of the monkeys of others that I have allowed to be put on me. I'm slowly learning that boundaries are good and taking time for me is a must. And there is no reason for feelings of guilt when I do something for me.

Guilt can be overpowering for those who are trying to become reformed people pleasers. It is such a battle in our mind. I've found that when the times come where I am feeling like everything is on me that there are several things I can do....I can pray, I can call a friend, I can say out loud " I will not take on their monkey!" ( with much authority too as I force my imaginary sword in the air and tackle the imaginary army on my white horse of course...) And I can remember it is a battle...it won't be won in a day, two days, or probably two months...there will be times where it won't be a struggle at all and then there will be times when it is a constant in my day to day life.

But those are the times when I know I am not alone and the battle is the Lord's...