Which way...?

"Excuse me, Can you tell me which way I should go?" 

"You see I have been rather confused lately, do I choose the way well meaning people would desire me to go or do I choose the way that seems best for me? "

I've found from past experience that the way of well meaning people can be full of backed up traffic, road rage, pot holes, wrong ways and construction. Everything that cause stress and makes one wish they had gone in a different direction or never started out on this journey to begin with.  Or do I choose the way I think is best though it to, is full  of all the same things  plus a bunch of "I told you so's" and "I told you this would happen" when I run into problems and struggles?

Lately I've felt like I am at a crossroads with my life in decisions to make.  My heart says to go one way and yet I struggle so much with the pressure of life and what is expected of me and that is the other direction. So I have pulled off to the side of the road and watch the others pass me by, all seeming to know where they are going, all looking confident in their decisions..while I stare at the map and wonder...which way should I go?

BUT..this is the great part...I am not alone in this! I have been blessed with a God who loves me and helps  me and gives me strength and direction!  But also blessed with friends who help me along the way....

Last month I was in Chicago for a conference, on the way out of town, I ran into road construction, closed streets and backed up traffic.  I ended up getting turned around and lost...I had to pull off to the side to call a dear friend and ask for help, she got me headed in the right direction. But then I got lost again, but you know what ? She was STILL there for me!  And she said I should call  again if I needed help....what a blessing and a  reminder, I have a Father in Heaven who is always there to guide me, strengthen me and give me direction...and He has blessed me with dear friends willing to do the same....

So which way should I go?  The way I feel lead. Because that way is lined with grace, mercy and love...that way is lined with hands willing to help me up, that way is lined with unconditional love...Yes it is lined with trials and struggles and pain too...but no other way is lined with words of a loving God  and friends telling me to keep calling when I need help and direction and reminding me they will always be there for me...

Never

Never...It doesn't mean sometimes, once in a while, occasionally..No, Never is an absoulute that something isn't going to come to pass.  God says He will never leave me or forake me.  I've been hearing teaching that never is not absoulute, that in a sense......though the God of the Universe, the Creator has said never, there are reasons He will leave me. If that were the case, I could never trust His word and what it says. I could never know what in His word I could believe and what I couldn't.

I am not perfect and have done things in my life I am not proud of..daily I sin..daily I am frustrated with the thoughts that go through my mind..I strive daily to do His will and to make Him happy.....try to watch my tongue, give my flesh over to Him...but I fail.....but failing and realizing I do has brought me to a place of knowing that without Him I would be much worse because as I said in my last post, knowing He is with me has probably kept me from slipping much more than I already do.

The biggest truth I have been realizing is that He is with me and doesn't leave me..people may decide that they can't talk to me because of decisions I make or things I have done..but when I need God the most He is there not turning His back on me.  Oh the awesome feeling of understanding and feeling unconditonal love that NEVER leaves...

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn’t even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

‘Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn’t ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I’ve come from
And the things I’ve left behind
But of all I’ve had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what’s in front of me
With what’s in front of me
Mountain of God, lyrics by Third Day

So Far Away...

God, you seem so far away.  But in reality it isn't you it's me. I've pulled away thinking you have no interest in me and my problems and my struggles.

There is a song that says "I may be out of God's will, but never out of His care." I know this is the truth. When I look at the last few weeks, I realize how you have kept me from slipping. You have protected me from making worse decisions and having worse consequences to my actions.

There are people out there who would want me to believe that when I sin, You turn your back on me completely. And I think in some way I have been believing those lies.  But then You have saved me from myself in so many ways the last few weeks I know that it is like a adult walking along side a child and keeping them from falling and really hurting themselves, pulling them up by the arm when they start to slip... You don't leave me...You want me to feel close to you, You want that relationship strong again. You understand that I need to sort through these thoughts..learn what is right and what is wrong..  You have put in my path strong loving friends to help me and keep me safe..You have given me Your word that reminds me that no one or no thing can take me away from You....You love me..A love I have longed for all my life is right there in front of me...Thank you Lord.

Something I needed to hear...

God created me, all that I am, He made...  My strengths, My weaknesses, My gifts, My abilities.  ALL of it He made.  Then why do I think that who I am is not good enough?  Why do I feel I need to be something different than I am.  Why do I have this desire to be accepted by everyone but the One who matters most? 

Recently a dear friend was struggling in her profession because she was sure a customer she had to work closely with didn't like her.  My answer to her was "She doesn't define who you are. Don't give her that power." People do not define us, but for some reason we allow them too. We are also really good at giving advice but not following it ourselves..We give people too much power in our lives.Wait. Let me rephrase that...I give people too much power in my life.  The only One who can mold me, should mold me is Jesus Christ Himself.   I need to go back to His word and really read verses on who I am in Christ and What He thinks of me.  I need to allow the flood gates of Grace and Mercy to wash over me and fill my mind with Christ.

Questions

Lately I have had a lot of questions about who I am. I wish I could step outside myself, look at my life and figure it out.  Sometimes I think an outside perspective would do me a lot of good.

I have not been happy lately  ...feel like there is someone , the real me, wanting to come out but not allowing that person to because I think she will be rejected...

You see, life is full of demands and expectations. It has been that way for as long as I can remember.  And I fear how many people I will let down if they really knew me...I just face each day and try to meet every ones expectations of me...