All first borns raise your hands!

First Child: perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, a list maker, well organized, hard driving, a natural leader, critical, serious, scholarly, logical, doesn’t like surprises, a techie.smarter, better educated, earns more money, favorites, make good counselors, teachers, pastors, mentors and physicians, goal setters, high achievers, responsible, rule keepers, determined, detail people, more verbally articulate,less impulsive, better performers in school, need to achieve, need to please.

So, some of you first borns will look at the list of qualities and pat yourself  on the back.  You may be saying to yourself " Yep, that's me, an achiever, always coming out on top!" You thrive in an environment that lets you constantly win the daily battles.  You love the thrill of a day where you fought and won, you had the answers, you could cross everything off your "to do" list with that red pen ( to make a point of course), You face each day very conscience of everything going on around you, all that needs to be done, and though sometimes overwhelmed...you do it. You stay focused, your eye is on the goal.You want everyone to step up to the plate, your serious when you need to be and critical too..not to be mean because your heart wants everyone to succeed,but because you need everything to be just right. You teach, you lead, you counsel. You want everything to be perfect and you expect it.

Some of you first borns are looking at this list and your stressed, your emotional, weary, tired and wondering if you can keep it up. You want rest...you need rest, yet you don't know how to. There is so much to do and so many that rely on you that to stop is out of the question.  You feel such a strong need to please others, such desire to be an over achiever to perform at your highest and best every day. And then there is that little voice inside of you that little place in your heart that wants to stop and not worry about everything and everyone.

I've been in the latter group. I've carried around unneeded stress and issues. I have allowed the weight of the world to rest on my shoulders. I've faced each day as if the happiness of everyone depends on me...It is a hard place to be and a struggle...

God does not want us first borns to walk around with the weight of the world on our shoulders, He has made us strong and given us these wonderful strengths.  But He also wants us to rest in Him and remember that He is in control and the problems that we face, the issues that arise were not meant for us to solve on our own. We have to remember Who is ultimately in control. God will never help us to be anyone other than ourselves, so we need to stop putting the added stress of being everything to everyone on ourselves.

As first borns, we need to learn to laugh. We tend to be so heavy about everything, taking everything so seriously. I know I do this! I expect perfection from myself in every area of my life: My sin:I see it as unforgiving. My gifts: I see them as something I better be exercising every day or I fail others. My growth in God:I see it as if I miss a day of reading my bible I've failed God...... We carry around such heavy burdens that maybe if we found joy in Christ, joy in the day the Lord has made, we would find the load a little lighter.

As first borns we need to learn to lay our burdens down  and not perceive them as needing to be handled on our own. We need to remember God cares for us and isn't leaving us out here on our own to fend for ourselves. I am learning to look at my daily to do list and say to myself what are the things on here that will be okay if they are done today, tomorrow, the next day, week or month? What if I didn't get to an item on my to do list at all? Would the world fall apart?? We need to lay everything down and depend on God to help us do what we can do. 

As first borns we need to stop being over achievers and thriving on our success as if they were all our doing. Half the things on my list are for my own personal self satisfaction as an over achiever and really play a non vital role in my day to day tasks. God doesn't just give us strength to get things done-He is our Strength.  He doesn't just give us victory -He is our Victory. We need to remember that apart from God we can do nothing and give Him all the credit in our successes.

Jesus was a first born, He should be our role model on how to handle all life throws at us.  Getting away by ourselves, praying, letting others teach and we listen and watch. He walked away from opportunities to teach and preach because it wasn't what God the Father wanted Him to do. So why if in God's infinite wisdom he had Jesus walk away from opportunities, do we think we can't? Not everything is for us to handle first borns, God did not make us that way or for that purpose. 

So from one over achieving,list making ,organized, perfectionist first born to another..Let's take time for ourselves, pray, get away from the crowds and the demands, listen, watch and rest.  And if you need to, find yourself  a garden to meditate in or get on a boat and relax... but take your cue from Jesus and remember He did give you the gifts and strengths you have but not to exercise them 24/7. He also created you to enjoy His creation, so go...enjoy..Rest and don't be weary. Be encouraged, don't worry. Be yoked with God and remember His burden is light and with Him we will find rest for our souls....

Burgundy and Black

It has been a while since I've written a post, my mind is flooded with what I would like to write, what God has shown me and life lessons He has taught me.
But , all those things will have to wait for a while...recently a friend and I were talking and I was asked what my favorite colors were. I sat there dumbfounded...and said I didn't know....

I didn't know.

Can you imagine sitting there are not knowing what your favorite colors are?? Shouldn't that roll off your tongue without a thought? What is even more weird about this whole situation was as I relayed the conversation to another really close friend, she said to me " Burgundy and Black. Your favorite colors are Burgundy and Black" I started to cry..I was realizing how unattached and numb I have become to my own life. And that really saddened me and yet encouraged me to think about my life up to this point.

How often had things come up in my life that I shoved to the back of my mind and told myself I would think about or deal with later? And then later becomes weeks..months..and years.

Now- I am not saying we need to stop what we are doing and become self absorbed and forget what is going on around us by no means. But too often we don't consider ourselves and the next thing you know we don't even know what our favorite colors are.  We don't live the life God has given us because we are so busy being everything to everyone else that we are not who God wants us to be.

I am reminded of past posts...we are pulled off the side of the road watching others, we stay in our people pleasing ways, we take on the weight of the world and think we need to be the problem solvers for all those around us... we stay in one place and watch the world spin around us...

Today is the last day of 2011. Like most people, I have in my mind all my resolutions: weight loss, get in shape, be more organized... But, I'm adding to my list: To not put off what God has created me to be. Which means having boundaries when I need to, the ability to say no and the biggest thing on my list is realizing God's grace and mercy are for me.

So dear blog friends...This coming year, find out who God created you to be.  This year, find out your strengths and how you can use them to glorify God.... God, who loves you, who never leaves you, who knows everything about you and still loves you.  This year know who you are in Christ and know without a shadow of a doubt that you are one of His. Take time to think about what you like and by all means, remember what your favorite colors are...God Bless..<><

Assumptions...

Assumptions, we all make them, we all judge others by outward appearances, facial expressions and words miss spoken...

I am going through a real tough spot in my life and received a letter from a woman full of assumptions..I read it and became sad, cried and then became angry and cried even more... But then something happened.. I realized how many times in a day, week and month I assume the worst in people. How many times I think I know why they did what they did, said what they said and of course the pride wells up in my mind that says "I would never do or say what they did.."

"Nobody knows what we are for only what we are against when we judge the wounded.."

 These words stick in my mind.  I realized the letter I got was from someone who is wounded and feels hurt by my actions, I realized that when wounded the cries of our hearts come to the surface whether we want them to or not. I realized that me striking back makes matters worse not better.  So I drop my sword that is sharp with cutting words and more assumptions and my inward desire to prove my points and my reasoning for my actions. I lay it down and look up, thankful for God's grace and mercy and realize dropping the sword and not retaliating takes more strength than assuming... That dropping the stones and turning away instead of casting them at others is the better choice. That really the only thing that matters is what God thinks of me, though hard right now..it's gonna be okay...

Tender Adjustments

Too good and too true not to repost....

Tender Adjustments by Patsy Clairmont

Have you ever seen a cashew in its shell? Me neither. It turns out that a cashew has caustic oil between the nut’s inner and outer shells. To rid this delectable treat of its acerbic element, the outer shell is burned or roasted off, and then the nut is boiled or roasted again to remove the inner shell.
Life’s hardships often feel as though someone has turned up the heat on us, and we wonder if we’ll survive. Yet I find when I’ve been “roasted” long enough in life’s difficulties, my outer casing of bad attitudes, preconceived notions, and high-mindedness is burned off. I’m left meeker, less defensive, more pliable, and less caustic.
Jesus died for every “nut” in the land . . . even the hardest one. And for that, I’m particularly grateful

Facing MY Giants

Those who know me, know that I get pumped and totally inspired when it comes to sports.  I like watching movies like We are Marshall, Remember the Titans, Facing the Giants,Invincible, The Blind Side and the list goes on... I enjoy watching the Olympics and hearing how specific athletes have persevered through trials to get where they are now. And of course, got to watch my Bulls, Bears and Cubs!

The movie that I have gotten a lot out of though is Facing the Giants.  An inspirational movie that shows not only how a high school football team deals with facing their Giants-another football team but their personal giants...the things in their life that hang over them and stop them from doing their best, giving their best and being their best.

The other night when I couldn't sleep I was flipping through the channels and found this movie on and it happened to be at my favorite scene ( which, I am posting at the end of my blog ) I started to think about what my giants were and what I need to do to face them.

On a side note...I have to say, I have been totally blessed with a handful  of friends who know me..I mean really know me.  They know my struggles, fears and the things that intimidate me and call me out on it all the time.  I love these women!  They have helped to bring to the surface the things in my life I need to deal with and have done so with words filled with love and grace.

A word picture that totally describes what these women have done for me is the heating process to purify gold.  Gold is heated to boiling temperatures to allow all the impurities to come to the surface and be skimmed off.  This is done several times till a person can see their reflection in the melted gold.
These women have gotten me to my boiling point many times..but only for my good.. to skim off the top all the things that do not need to be in my life anymore.

So why bring this up?  Cause they are helping me in facing my giants. They are helping me to realize, as we all need to sooner or later, that the giants really are not as big as we think they are, and no matter our size we can defeat them.

It is hard sometimes to be totally honest in this blog, I know many have read it but don't know who.  Some live in Alaska, some here in La Crosse...but there are still 50 plus people who I have no clue who they are! But I guess part of facing my giants is admitting that I have them and maybe what I am going through can help someone else. And I can be a little bit of light in their darkness.....

So  here it goes...I have major fears of letting people down.  I'm a first born perfectionist (which is a whole other blog posting to come!) and fear not being perfect at my job,raising my girls and being organized. And though a very superficial statement...I am very insecure in my looks... so all this culminated in my life brings me face to face with a giant.  A giant that seems to rear its ugly head constantly in my life and in many day to day situations.

Now let me say, I know the truth.  I know I will let people down. I know I am not perfect. But the problem is knowing it in my head is not knowing it in my heart.  The difference between wisdom and knowledge. Knowledge is good but it needs to be applied to ones life. That's wisdom. And that is what I need to work on, applying what I know...

I wish I could say that I have faced my giants they are all defeated and I am stronger because of it.  But unfortunately that hasn't happened.  However, I have made some great strides. I've realized that I just need to do my best and do my best for me not others.  I also realized that to some extent I need to have blinders on and can't look at what others are doing or have done but stay the course I'm on. I  have learned to except compliments on the job I do with a simple thank you and not think how I don't deserve such a compliment because I could have done much better. I've realized too, that I don't want to change who I am to get accepted by others, I want to change because for too long I've been living my life for others..... I have to do my best, be my best and give my best daily and I won't  walk around with a defeated attitude.

Facing my giants will be a fight, but I think I'm finally ready for it. Will I fall and fail sometimes?  yes.  Will I be strong and succeed sometimes? yes..but in the end, the impurities will be skimmed off and the reflection I see will be one that has been worth the fight and worth facing my giants and defeating them....

I will do anything, except......

Stuffed Green Peppers...Mmmmm, how I love them!  One of my favorite comfort foods.

Last week I made them and put them in the crock pot.  But, I set the temp on high not low and though not totally burnt by the time I got home...there was quite a bit stuck to the sides that I couldn't get off. 

As with any dish that is rather difficult to clean, I filled it with hot soapy water and let it soak. But I forgot about it that night and the next morning wrote a note to my girls to do the dishes and some other chores and went  off to work.  When I came home the crock pot was still sitting there full of water.. No one touched it. This happened two more days in a row, note was written with daily chores, always at the top was do the dishes and every evening when I came home..the dish filled with water was still sitting there.

Now any other week I would have made a fuss and had it done but this was a rather busy week for me..A wedding to plan, three weddings to prepare for, a schedule to get done, school clothes to buy...

So it sat there till today....

Now, most of you women are making faces, you know what a stinky mess I had on my hands..and yes you are right...I wasn't pleased and hurriedly cleaned it to avoid the stench and mess. But as I cleaned the dish I was thinking about all the things we avoid, all the things we would rather do than something else. All the times we say and think we would do anything but there is always an exception.. Now as a mom, my list of things I would never do gets shorter and shorter..when I realized that taking care of another human being is going to and does stretch me. 

Don't get me wrong, there are still many things I try to avoid or put off till the last moment, like sorting and folding socks ( seems useless and never ending), pulling weeds ( I really hate dirt under my nails), dusting ( it's seems like it comes back the next day), and putting gas in my car ( especially in the winter!)  but usually with a heavy sigh I roll up my sleeves and do the thing I really don't want to...

And it made me think ... what if Jesus had said He would do anything except die for my sins...He would give sight to the blind and heal the leper, He would provide food for the multitudes and calm the storms but..He wouldn't do the one thing, the one thing I needed most to die for my sins and give me eternal life....I can't fathom it, I can't even begin to think what my life would be like...Without His grace and mercy, without His forgiveness...Without Him period....

So Lord, thank you. Thank you for your willingness to do anything, to have no exceptions. To be yet again, a great example for me and help me to persevere....even if it is sorting and folding socks.. =)



Whatever!

"During the day I have to deliberately scrutinize my thoughts, because I can entertain unworthy musings. I need to work at upgrading my thoughts, because they inspire actions, they spill out lips, and they affect or infect my beliefs about myself and others" Patsy Clairmont

I often had times in my day where I think "I must have ADD...this can't be normal  to be thinking about one thing and then..BAM!..A new thought comes smashing in"  And the thoughts can be totally at opposite ends of the spectrum! One minute I can be thinking about the timeline of an upcoming wedding and then my mind is wondering if a friend could have coffee...or wondering if I missed the Kohls sale where I saw that cute pair of shoe..or...hmmm...what was I thinking? Exactly! The thought totally disappears! reminds me of the saying " If you have a thought, set it free, if it comes back good!  If it doesn't it  wasn't yours to begin with!"

Sometimes my thoughts are encouraging and powerful...plans and actions to make things better in my life, my kids life or work. Positive and uplifting thoughts for and about others...But sometimes my thoughts are discouraging and destructive...they make me think ill of others, or make me think others think ill of me...Negative and depressing thoughts that cause me to think I'm nothing good...

I have realized I need to say Whatever!  Not in a negative sense of blowing it off and believing what I think is real..cause lets face it...half the time we are so far from the mark in our thinking..But when I say whatever..I am reminding myself of Phillipians 4:8 which reminds of what I am to think about...

"Finally, brethern, WHATEVER is true, WHATEVER is honorable, WHATEVER is right, WHATEVER is pure, WHATEVER is lovely, WHATEVER is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

 I'm going through a tough time in my life right now and my mind is flooded with so many things, I've also realized how powerful our mind can be and turn a bad situation into something totally worse than it will ever be.  So more than ever I need to think on the right things. However, with that said I also know the importance of really working through why I might me thinking on what I am, so jotting things down and finding time later in the day to work through thoughts has been very important to me...BUT the biggest thing, the most precious thing ..has been reminding myself.."Kelly you are not alone, God will sift my thoughts through His mighty hands and help me work  through these"

So the next time those thoughts come flooding through and I know they will!  I will say with much authority and the attitude of a 15 year old "WHATEVER"! I will fight the desire to take my thoughts to a level they shouldn't go and let God take them where they should be...