Have you ever seen a cashew in its shell? Me neither. It turns out that a cashew has caustic oil between the nut’s inner and outer shells. To rid this delectable treat of its acerbic element, the outer shell is burned or roasted off, and then the nut is boiled or roasted again to remove the inner shell.
Life’s hardships often feel as though someone has turned up the heat on us, and we wonder if we’ll survive. Yet I find when I’ve been “roasted” long enough in life’s difficulties, my outer casing of bad attitudes, preconceived notions, and high-mindedness is burned off. I’m left meeker, less defensive, more pliable, and less caustic.
Jesus died for every “nut” in the land . . . even the hardest one. And for that, I’m particularly grateful
Those who know me, know that I get pumped and totally inspired when it comes to sports. I like watching movies like We are Marshall, Remember the Titans, Facing the Giants,Invincible, The Blind Side and the list goes on... I enjoy watching the Olympics and hearing how specific athletes have persevered through trials to get where they are now. And of course, got to watch my Bulls, Bears and Cubs!
The movie that I have gotten a lot out of though is Facing the Giants. An inspirational movie that shows not only how a high school football team deals with facing their Giants-another football team but their personal giants...the things in their life that hang over them and stop them from doing their best, giving their best and being their best.
The other night when I couldn't sleep I was flipping through the channels and found this movie on and it happened to be at my favorite scene ( which, I am posting at the end of my blog ) I started to think about what my giants were and what I need to do to face them.
On a side note...I have to say, I have been totally blessed with a handful of friends who know me..I mean really know me. They know my struggles, fears and the things that intimidate me and call me out on it all the time. I love these women! They have helped to bring to the surface the things in my life I need to deal with and have done so with words filled with love and grace.
A word picture that totally describes what these women have done for me is the heating process to purify gold. Gold is heated to boiling temperatures to allow all the impurities to come to the surface and be skimmed off. This is done several times till a person can see their reflection in the melted gold.
These women have gotten me to my boiling point many times..but only for my good.. to skim off the top all the things that do not need to be in my life anymore.
So why bring this up? Cause they are helping me in facing my giants. They are helping me to realize, as we all need to sooner or later, that the giants really are not as big as we think they are, and no matter our size we can defeat them.
It is hard sometimes to be totally honest in this blog, I know many have read it but don't know who. Some live in Alaska, some here in La Crosse...but there are still 50 plus people who I have no clue who they are! But I guess part of facing my giants is admitting that I have them and maybe what I am going through can help someone else. And I can be a little bit of light in their darkness.....
So here it goes...I have major fears of letting people down. I'm a first born perfectionist (which is a whole other blog posting to come!) and fear not being perfect at my job,raising my girls and being organized. And though a very superficial statement...I am very insecure in my looks... so all this culminated in my life brings me face to face with a giant. A giant that seems to rear its ugly head constantly in my life and in many day to day situations.
Now let me say, I know the truth. I know I will let people down. I know I am not perfect. But the problem is knowing it in my head is not knowing it in my heart. The difference between wisdom and knowledge. Knowledge is good but it needs to be applied to ones life. That's wisdom. And that is what I need to work on, applying what I know...
I wish I could say that I have faced my giants they are all defeated and I am stronger because of it. But unfortunately that hasn't happened. However, I have made some great strides. I've realized that I just need to do my best and do my best for me not others. I also realized that to some extent I need to have blinders on and can't look at what others are doing or have done but stay the course I'm on. I have learned to except compliments on the job I do with a simple thank you and not think how I don't deserve such a compliment because I could have done much better. I've realized too, that I don't want to change who I am to get accepted by others, I want to change because for too long I've been living my life for others..... I have to do my best, be my best and give my best daily and I won't walk around with a defeated attitude.
Facing my giants will be a fight, but I think I'm finally ready for it. Will I fall and fail sometimes? yes. Will I be strong and succeed sometimes? yes..but in the end, the impurities will be skimmed off and the reflection I see will be one that has been worth the fight and worth facing my giants and defeating them....
Stuffed Green Peppers...Mmmmm, how I love them! One of my favorite comfort foods.
Last week I made them and put them in the crock pot. But, I set the temp on high not low and though not totally burnt by the time I got home...there was quite a bit stuck to the sides that I couldn't get off.
As with any dish that is rather difficult to clean, I filled it with hot soapy water and let it soak. But I forgot about it that night and the next morning wrote a note to my girls to do the dishes and some other chores and went off to work. When I came home the crock pot was still sitting there full of water.. No one touched it. This happened two more days in a row, note was written with daily chores, always at the top was do the dishes and every evening when I came home..the dish filled with water was still sitting there.
Now any other week I would have made a fuss and had it done but this was a rather busy week for me..A wedding to plan, three weddings to prepare for, a schedule to get done, school clothes to buy...
So it sat there till today....
Now, most of you women are making faces, you know what a stinky mess I had on my hands..and yes you are right...I wasn't pleased and hurriedly cleaned it to avoid the stench and mess. But as I cleaned the dish I was thinking about all the things we avoid, all the things we would rather do than something else. All the times we say and think we would do anything but there is always an exception.. Now as a mom, my list of things I would never do gets shorter and shorter..when I realized that taking care of another human being is going to and does stretch me.
Don't get me wrong, there are still many things I try to avoid or put off till the last moment, like sorting and folding socks ( seems useless and never ending), pulling weeds ( I really hate dirt under my nails), dusting ( it's seems like it comes back the next day), and putting gas in my car ( especially in the winter!) but usually with a heavy sigh I roll up my sleeves and do the thing I really don't want to...
And it made me think ... what if Jesus had said He would do anything except die for my sins...He would give sight to the blind and heal the leper, He would provide food for the multitudes and calm the storms but..He wouldn't do the one thing, the one thing I needed most to die for my sins and give me eternal life....I can't fathom it, I can't even begin to think what my life would be like...Without His grace and mercy, without His forgiveness...Without Him period....
So Lord, thank you. Thank you for your willingness to do anything, to have no exceptions. To be yet again, a great example for me and help me to persevere....even if it is sorting and folding socks.. =)
"During the day I have to deliberately scrutinize my thoughts, because I can entertain unworthy musings. I need to work at upgrading my thoughts, because they inspire actions, they spill out lips, and they affect or infect my beliefs about myself and others" Patsy Clairmont
I often had times in my day where I think "I must have ADD...this can't be normal to be thinking about one thing and then..BAM!..A new thought comes smashing in" And the thoughts can be totally at opposite ends of the spectrum! One minute I can be thinking about the timeline of an upcoming wedding and then my mind is wondering if a friend could have coffee...or wondering if I missed the Kohls sale where I saw that cute pair of shoe..or...hmmm...what was I thinking? Exactly! The thought totally disappears! reminds me of the saying " If you have a thought, set it free, if it comes back good! If it doesn't it wasn't yours to begin with!"
Sometimes my thoughts are encouraging and powerful...plans and actions to make things better in my life, my kids life or work. Positive and uplifting thoughts for and about others...But sometimes my thoughts are discouraging and destructive...they make me think ill of others, or make me think others think ill of me...Negative and depressing thoughts that cause me to think I'm nothing good...
I have realized I need to say Whatever! Not in a negative sense of blowing it off and believing what I think is real..cause lets face it...half the time we are so far from the mark in our thinking..But when I say whatever..I am reminding myself of Phillipians 4:8 which reminds of what I am to think about...
"Finally, brethern, WHATEVER is true, WHATEVER is honorable, WHATEVER is right, WHATEVER is pure, WHATEVER is lovely, WHATEVER is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."
I'm going through a tough time in my life right now and my mind is flooded with so many things, I've also realized how powerful our mind can be and turn a bad situation into something totally worse than it will ever be. So more than ever I need to think on the right things. However, with that said I also know the importance of really working through why I might me thinking on what I am, so jotting things down and finding time later in the day to work through thoughts has been very important to me...BUT the biggest thing, the most precious thing ..has been reminding myself.."Kelly you are not alone, God will sift my thoughts through His mighty hands and help me work through these"
So the next time those thoughts come flooding through and I know they will! I will say with much authority and the attitude of a 15 year old "WHATEVER"! I will fight the desire to take my thoughts to a level they shouldn't go and let God take them where they should be...
I love weddings. Everything about them, probably a good thing since I'm a wedding planner! Love the creativity I see in each bride as she tells what design, color or decor will make her day uniquely hers. Love the excitement in the eyes of the bride and groom as they talk of their special day. Love the organizational end as I lay out the plans and see it all come together, love the smile and happiness I see on their faces....
I also love movies about weddings! Go figure!
To name a few..."The Wedding Planner", "Bride Wars", "27 Dresses", "The Wedding Date", "My Best Friends Wedding" and my list could not be complete with out " My Big Fat Greek Wedding" that movie makes me laugh time and time again!
One of the lines in the movie that sticks out to me is when the main character is trying to explain her Greek family to her date. She talks of being chased around with a lamb eyeball by her Aunt, Her father and his brothers eating the lambs brains, but the line I am referring to is when she talks abut her 27 first cousins and all being in each others business and "not even having a minute to think."
I get this. I get the fact that sometimes I have demands on my life, people needing and wanting things and feeling like I don't even have time to think. I get the stress this brings and the inability to breathe because there is so much to do. I get the overwhelming feeling of knowing I'm forgetting some important task due to the fact I can not think past the fires in front of me that need to be put out. I get it all....but there is something else I get sometimes I don't want to think. The pain it can bring, the frustration, the tears..sometimes thinking brings out fears and added stress that frankly, I don't want to deal with.
Life isn't always fun and games. and, as I have said in earlier posts, I'm trying to figure out who I am. In all the busyness of life I've felt like I've lost my identity...I don't mean this to sound selfish or inward focused as if I don't care about what is going on around me..but some where I've forgotten that it is ok to take time for myself, to do something for me...somewhere I stopped thinking and just doing....go through the motions of my day, doing everything for everyone and forgetting who I am, my likes and dislikes, having meaningful conversations, being creative and carving out my little part of the world that says this is uniquely Kelly....
I think that is why I admire the brides I work with. They are taking that time to think about their special day and making it theirs. They have that smile that says even though everything may not be going smoothly, its still gonna be great. They have focus and drive to have things done in a way that says something about them and their groom. They are putting their stamp on the world by taking a minute to think...
Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real..and that has been the only thinking...let me rephrase that...that has been the only stinkin' thinkin' I've been doing. I have not thought about any goals I may have, the good I've done, the blessings I have. I've shut the door on dreaming and for some reason not allowed myself that freedom to look beyond the negative things in my life and think any good could come from it. I've allowed lies to seep in and take over.
I need to take a lesson from the brides I work with, I need to realize, though its tough right now in my life, it will work out. I need to get my focus and drive back. I need to smile. I need to put my stamp on my little corner of the world and make it uniquely mine.
I need to take my minute to think. I need to realize it will take time and my life and problems won't be fixed in a day...But none the less, I can take some time right now to think...And I think I will...
Today was a wonderful day...I was blessed to have lunch and catch up with an old friend.
We were talking about what was going on in our lives, things we are working on and things we want to change.. Out of curiosity...( and the fact there are some friends you can ask or say ANYTHING to) I asked her a personal question, she answered and then with a look of complete and utter shock said
" Did I say that out loud?"
It got me thinking about how freeing it is to say things out loud, even if there is no one around to hear. And most likely, it is best sometimes that there isn't! Sometimes we can be so locked up in our minds and out thought patterns that to say it out loud and hear ourselves say it brings on a wave of different emotions..peace, laughter, embarrassment, anger...
I came across this tweet this afternoon from Patsy Clairmont "God knows our secrets...and He's not put off. He offers us living water." ( quote from Marilyn Meberg)
It reminded me that though we like to think no one knows our thoughts, the truth is God does. The Sovereign God of the universe knows our every thought, good and bad and it doesn't surprise Him! His unconditional love, unmerited grace and mercy take over on those times we can't believe what we think or say. He knows our humanness. He knows our weaknesses. And yet, with all that said loves us with an everlasting love...
What a thought to wrap our minds around...I am in awe at His love for me...And THAT I love to think out loud....
Earlier this week my daughter had surgery and had to spend the night in the hospital. There is a lot of construction going on there and her room happened to face the area....
I sat there watching the work while my daughter slept. The thought running through my mind was "they are busy doing nothing" I saw them walking with supplies and driving from here to there, cranes lifting supplies from one spot to another...but nothing looked liked it changed....
That is kind of how I feel about my life sometimes, especially right now. I want things changed, I want to be done with what I am going through...but yet everything takes time....
The expected date to finish the construction at the hospital is 2013..I can imagine those doing the construction and those who work in the hospital can't wait or sometimes think it will never be done!
I know that feeling...impatience builds up in me and I fight the desire to cry and scream and run ahead of the process..
As I watched them the next morning continue with the project I realized that in order for the building to be done, the strong, sturdy foundation needed to be built. I realized that it needed to be safe and secure, it needed to be checked continually and to make sure there were no weak spots that could cause the foundation to fall before it could be built upon....
And I started to think about my life and what I am going through and realized that though I can't see the changes I am changing. I am getting stronger and more secure in who I am. The weaknesses are being dealt with..not always fun, but I am figuring out what I need to do to change. That in reality, it isn't going slow and before I know it the things I am going through will be dealt with..
